Fifteen years ago (this month) I went to the PNE with my boyfriend and a bunch of other people. I was suffering from a horrible case of PMS, popping Ibuprofen like they were candy and still acting cranky despite all of the pain killers. At one point my boyfriend said something to the effect of "it scares me how much you're relying on those pills to get through your day." and that comment changed my life.
I thought about those I know who have similar health issues. About their constant doctor visits, bursting pill cabinet, and supplemental liqueur cabinet, and decided that I didn't want to live that life. I went home that night, and started researching yoga, and began my first yoga practice the next morning. That was the beginning of my sometimes healthy lifestyle living (though much more than just yoga would be added to my bipolar practice).
Over the years, my life style has turning into a ying-yang. Sometimes really healthy, sometimes not so much; and despite the fact that I have learned over and over again that my life is drastically better if I live a healthy holistically focused lifestyle, over the last half decade my life has leaned toward the not healthy half. So it shouldn't be surprising that over that same time frame my health has been crap.
Living in Arizona helps, it means that I don't get every cold and every flu like I did in the Pacific Northwest and Atlanta, but I still get injured and I still get sick, and when I do I still managed to somehow end up horribly ill! Doctors I used to work with in Washington referred to me a the perfect med student case, because something would always go wrong, and it was never in a way they expected.
Since last September I have had:
a post-viral asthma flare;
an irregular heart rhythm (R-wave progression) due to too much caffeine and not enough sleep,
which made my Raynaud's Syndrome diagnosabily obvious, and subsequently more severe;
I have thrown my back out;
had a miscarriage at 13 weeks, which didn't complete, turned into a raging uterine infection requiring a three day hospital say along with D&C #1, followed by continued bleeding resulting in D&C #2 during which they found a golf-ball sized fibroid, and now I am fighting with uterine infection #2 (tomorrow marks the beginning of miscarriage fiasco week 10).
Not to mention a couple of cold's and flu's, though I mostly chalk that up to my toddlers new-to-daycare-itus, which seems to have subsided.
Have I been doing yoga this year? Well yeah a little AFTER I threw my back out, but no not really.
Have I been taking herbal supplements and teas? Nope, but I bough an espresso machine for our 9th wedding anniversary, and started growing mint in our front yard just so we can make mint julips.
Have I been praying, meditating, and listening to my body? Clearly not!
Oh, and at 147lb's I weight as much as I did when I was 8 months pregnant with Richard-gee, I wonder how that happened?...eh...eh
When in the hospital after D&C #1, I finally put to voice the terrible mindset that had been brewing for some time. Between my health history and medical bad luck, I fully expect (baring horrible freak accident) to the be the first in my generational social group to die. What a HORRIBLE mindset to have, and what a way to ask for trouble (deep breath ma, flag is on the field).
Once the thought had been given voice, I pictured the look of horror on my now-just-dear-friend's face had I made that confession to him in person, and thought about the comment he made all those years ago at the PNE. I realized, that by slacking with my healthy lifestyle, I've still ended up turning into that which I started doing yoga and stopped taking pain medication fifteen years ago to avoid. And yes, some of my health issues were unavoidable, but how much easier would they have been to live through, and how much much faster would I have recovered if I was healthier to begin with.
And so, it's time for a reboot; but like a 30 year old computer this reboot is going to take some time. I don't just want to change everything, and then slack off again later (done that enough, thanks). Time to make changes and mean them, which means slowly changing things just a few at time until those changes because habit.
I am a believer in holism. Not just holistic medicine, but holistic living.
Holism: a philosophy that the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts, but nothing without it's individual pieces.
It's time to live by that belief, not just acknowledge it.
Welcome to the ride,